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Mum - have you seen my ruler?

I'm sure I left it here last night

Oh, and I can I have some money?

For a calculator - yes, that's right

Everybody else has got one

Why can't I be the same?

You can find the money somewhere

Come on Mum - play the game!

Oh, and Mum - you see this homework

Please, will you show me how?

You said that you were good at math

Why can't you do it now?

Oh - and I forgot to tell you

That I need a 50p

To buy a magazine for French

And tomorrow's cookery

I need some flour and an egg

You must get them today

I know that all the shops are shut

But I'm sure you'll find a way

Don't forget I need my sports kit

For the next day - where is it?

Oh - in the bag under my bed

Is it dirty?  Just a bit !

Well I fell over playing rugby

And you know how wet it's been

And when you're face down in the mud

It's hard to keep things clean!

And by the way I've torn my shirt

What?  Well - just a little fight

The other person started it

And besides - I did all right

I blacked his eye and what is more

The Headmaster was quite nice

He said we watched too much TV

And only caned us twice!

Oh yes - here is my last report

I only got one E

The rest are C's and D's and that

Isn't so bad - for me!

And I wasn't bottom overall

Not quite, at any rate

Oh Mum - can you please clean my shoes

Do hurry - I'll be late

And Mum, I've just remembered

I'll be late home tonight

I've got to do detention

No - it was not another fight

It's just I told a dirty joke

It wasn't really bad

It couldn't be - because, you see

I got it from my Dad

I'd better go - I'll miss the bus

You should go back to bed

You don't look very well at all

Was it something that I said?

Spring has sprung, or so they say

It hasn’t sprung much down our way

The April showers, it must be said

Have turned out to be snow instead

Just when I thought winter was past

There’s ice on the puddles and frost on the grass

The car’s still filled with anti-freeze

And warm socks pulled up round my knees

The daffodils are still asleep

Too cold to even take a peep

The catkins, though, do look quite nice

(Covered in half an inch of ice!)

The garden’s much too cold for seeds

(Why isn’t it too cold for weeds?)

And look at all the lambs, so small

Huddled there against the wall

Where is the season that I like?

I know! This year, Spring’s gone on strike

There’s just on good this this can mean

This year I won’t have to spring-clean!

I sit here and remember

When I was young

Walking past a certain building site

Again and again

Just to look at him

The hair – the face

The body!

And the smile – oh, that smile!

But would he even look at me twice?

Fat chance!

Now here I sit and remember

So many years and miles away

And I move my chair a little

So I can see that other table

Just to look at him

The hair – the face

The body!

And the smile – oh, that smile!

But would he even look at me twice?

Fat chance!

A different place

A different time

A different man

But the same result

Fat chance!