Hello God
Are you there?
It’s only me
Again
I just need to ask for - - - - - - -
I’m sorry
God is a bit busy at the moment
You have been placed in a queue
Your prayer request will be addressed
As soon as God (or the next available angelic call centre) has a moment to spare
To help us deal with your request more efficiently
Please
select from the following options:
Press one if you need healing
Press two for relationship issues
Press three for children who have left home
Press four for children who
won’t leave home
Press five for people you like who need help
Press six for people you don’t like but feel you should pray for anyway
Press seven for a secret never to be told
(No
– sorry – that’s the magpie rhyme)
Press seven for honest government
(But only if you believe miracles still happen)
Press eight for help in the workplace
Press nine for help
at home
(Except with the dishes – we don’t do dishes – pray for a dishwasher!)
Press Zero if you have no specific request but you just want a chat
Press the hash key if you can’t actually
remember what you were praying for
Or hold and you will be connected as soon as non humanly possible
Please note your prayer may be recorded for training purposes
Actually, God, I think I prefer a direct line!
I know you do
So why don’t you stop treating me like Customer Services
And remember that I’m
your Father
And that I love you
And that it’s still good to talk.